Launch the Bitch

The following converstaion just occurred in between Zel and I. (I'm in my sewing room, Zel's in the living room, watching television.)

Amelia: "What are you watching, babe?"

Zel: "Launch the Bitch." (which translates to couples figureskating)

Amelia: "Oh. Anything good?"

Zel: "No, I'm still waiting for him to launch the bitch. I think this might be ice dancing because nobody's launching anyone across the ice. This is stupid."

Amelia: "I guess I don't need to come out and watch then?"

Zel: "Not unless you want to completely waste you're time. I'm pissed. This shit sucks."

Amelia: "Then change the channel."

Zel: "No. I'm pissed. But, she's kind of hot."

Amelia: "Nobody's making you watch."

Zel: "This gives figure skating a bad fucking name. Because people are completely bored when they watch this. And who the fuck wears that dress? If that guys gets his skate stuck in that they're fucked. It's like a wedding train. Is this a sport? This is a fucking sport?! What fucking channel is this on? ESPN? It's gotta be on ESPN2. FUCK! It's on ESPN1. Who in the hell decided to put this bullshit on ESPN1?"

Amelia: "Someone who knows everyone is either watching NFL, at the movies, or napping."

Zel: "What the fuck do the judges look for? Does the couple have to touch all the fucking time? That couple didn't touch. Do they get docked point? I don't understand this sport. In Launch the Bitch, there's actually competition. This ice dancing is a bunch of bullshit. In ice skating, there's a challenge besides just getting out there on the ice and dancing the tango. In ice skating, you're gonna have to launch the bitch to earn some points."

For a while, he switched back to the Packers, Bears game.

Back to ESPN1. There's a new couple on televeision.

Zel: "This could be the real thing. Their outfits lead me to believe there going to be launching the bitch."

Silence. We watch them do a death drop, where she leans back and they each hold one hand and she's laying out flat and if he drops her, she'll probably die.

Zel: "Oh. Here we go. Yeah this is it. She is fucking hot. I bet you could bounce a quarter off her ass. I should become an ice skater. They get to put their hands all over the hot bitches."

Amelia: "Yeah, cause you don't have a hot bitch of your own."

Zel: "Yeah. I mean, you're hot, but she's a bit hotter just because she's a professional ice skater.

Amelia: "No she's not. Besides, she probably has chronic diarrhea."

Zel: "Yeah! LAUNCH THE BITCH!!!!!!"

He throws her. She spins in the air 12 million times. She lands on a fucking razor blade. On ice. Launch the Bitch is pretty cool.