Disney Princesses

My good friend, Evie Kelley is now writing prime time for the Washington City Paper. In a recent post, Evie talked about the complications of dating when you're a thirty-something.

I replied to her post, Complications. After I posted, I started thinking more about my post, and I didn't want to steal her thunder, so I'm expanding that post here.

For us 30-somehtings, we also had the old school Disney Princesses to show us how important it is to wait for Mr. Right. Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty all convinced us that some strong, handsome, dashing young man was going to save us from the evil of the moment, and carry us off to a magical kingdom far away, and we'd live happily ever after.

The reality is:

• Snow wasn't quite so White 'cause she was banging the 7 Dwarfs, usually simultaneously. She even had her own private gynecologist to treat whatever STD she contracted.
  
• Cinderella secretly dug the abuse by her stepmother and stepsisters, dabbled in BDSM and eventually became a Dominatrix. She currently owns her own sex club, and caters to D.C.'s elite.
  
• Sleeping Beauty's image could’ve been used by the rape prevention education folks and the National Institute on Drug Abuse because, let's face it, that bitch was out and anything could've been done to her. I wonder if someone slipped her some rohypnol?
• Ariel was so in love she not only gave up her identity, she gave up her species, yo. Talk about low self-esteem and desperation.
  

The newer generation of Disney Princesses seem to be faring a bit better:

• Belle seems to be doing a little better than the other princesses in that she was able to be ok with The Beast. Unless, of course, you go down the bestiality road, which I’m just not gonna do. Belle was also a reader, which is a powerful things for the young impressionables to see.
• Jasmine was pretty independent and wasn’t going to settle for an arranged marriage, so she snuck out of the palace and catted around. Good for her!

I didn't see Pocahontas or Mulan, so I don’t really feel educated enough about these princesses to comment. But, according to their bios, Pocahontas is “strong-willed”, but her name means “little mischief”, and Mulan “is as lovely as a blossom, but can’t seem to behave like the gentle daughter she’s supposed to be.” Hmmm...they both sound like trouble to me.

Regardless, the Disney Princesses show us girls that, in order to get a man, we need to be beautiful, passive, and in desperate need of help.

Thank the Goddess for Evie's postings, cause she's telling us women to have some ovaries, be assertive, and not be afraid to demand what we want from men.

I wonder of Disney and the Grimm Brothers are rolling over in their graves.