I needed something a little spooky.
The Annual Stretch and Poke is when we women go in, change into a gown, and are given an extra large piece of paper to cover our lower orifices. Today the paper was a nice mauve color. I found my self wishing I'd brought my colored markers.
Today, though, the entire office was in disarray. The computers were down. They didn't know why I was there. They asked me, which was good. I'd hate for them to give the Annual Stretch and Poke to someone who wasn't expecting it. Especially a man.
To add to the confusion, some of the staff were dressed up. One of my favorite people was dressed up as a Starbuck's Latte. At the end of the day, she get's the best costume award (we don't get trick-or-treaters at our house, cause we live in the sticks!). Except for the part where she was promoting Starbuck's. But, she was making a statement that she doesn't mess around with her coffee.
My nurse practitioner, who is really quite lovely, was a bit distressed. She couldn't give me the results of my annual blood work. She said she'd send me a note with the results, and that if it was really serious, she'd have the Latte give me a ring so we can get me back in. She said not to worry, though, she was reviewing blood work results on Friday to prepare for this week, and there wasn't anything that she could recall that stuck out. She didn't say how many blood work-ups she looked at. I didn't ask.
So, after the brief catch up since last year, she did the breast exam on me. Then she stretched and poked my vagina. The good news, and the reason my nurse practitioner is really quite lovely is that she runs the speculum under warm water. That way, and this part really is for the gentlemen out there, you don't have cold metal shoved into your vagina.A warm speculum makes the Annual Stretch and Poke a little less spooky.
3 comments:
most important question -- was your nurse practitioner wearing a costume while she took the Nestea plunge?
I am a crumdegeon when it comes to dressing up and going to work in costume, and I especially hate people I depend upon to be in drag (like a bus driver dressed as Count Chocula).
Count Chocula!!!!!! You're making me laugh so hard I'm cryin'!
The nurse prac was dressed as a nurse prac...scrubs...no cutsie shit from her, which I appreciated. I'm not sure I could handle someone examining my cervix dressed in a cutsie nurse uniform. Unless there's a big double dong involved!
I spoke to this gal last night who likes men better for the cervix splunking. She feels men are more gentle down there, because they know they're really not supposed to be there, its a privilege, so they better tread lightly. Chicks are like, you can take it sistuh!
Most of my life, I've heard women say they perfer women doing it, so her opinion was a new one for me.
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