As the Milk Foams

I've stopped drinking white chocolate lattes. Its part of my new me.

See, I work in the basement of my building, which is ironic, really, because who puts the health department in the basement? Especially in the Pacific Northwest.

It can be really challenging in January to get up in the dark, go to work in the dark, work in the basement, not see the sun for days or even weeks on end, and then go home in the dark. I think my new exercise routine will help with this.

I work downtown, which in my little community of 25,000 people isn't quite the same as downtown Chicago, but it's exciting all the same. In my town, the tallest building is four stories tall. Across the street my building, there's an independently-owned coffee shop. It's important to me that in my little community I patronize the locally owned businesses. We don't have a plethora of corporations in my little community, and there's a sense of taking care of your own, which includes indy buinesses. There's a Starbuck's kiosk in the Safeway that's across the other street from my building. But Starbuck's over-roasts their beans, and the result is a cup of Joe that tastes like a cup of what came from Joe's ass.

The owner of the indy coffee shop is simply lovely. And the baristas all know my name and what I drink. It's a bit like "Cheers" really. I walk in, everyone says "hello!", and then the girls say, "Are you having your white chocolate?"

Usually I say, "Yes, please!" And, they make a 16 ounce Ghirardelli's White Chocolate latte, no foam, with 1% milk. In my head, that's less calories than using 2% milk. But I'm not down with non-fat milk, so I just have them use 1%. They actually make the 1% by combining non-fat and 2%. It works, yo.

And, please understand that as part of being a resident in the Pacific Northwest, you have to be able to order coffee 12 different ways. Its part of our drivers' license test.

I've been going over to the indy coffee shop several times per week for the last three-and-a-half years. I get out of the basement. I get fresh air. I have the possibility to see the sun. I can get a lot of business done with my boss on those quick walks, especially on the days when she's swamped with meetings. I have the possibility of running into the attractive men from different departments that I occasionally get to work with on different projects. (Of course, I go home to Zel and say, "I saw my boyfriend at coffee today!" And sometimes Zel and I will have great sex, which burns also calories! But other times he says, "Well, if you keep drinking that shit, you're gonna get fat and your boyfriends aren't going to want to fuck you, and neither am I!")

But, that's a lot of lattes. A lot of calories. A lot of fat on my ass. And, a lot of dough at $3.68 each.

There's a person who, as part of my job, I'm required to meet with a couple of time a month, in a group setting, and this person has a way of making me want to poke her eyes out with my latte straws.

She's not nice, but I'm sure she thinks that she is. She's not very friendly; she's more like a rabid raccoon. She has an opinion about everything, which is fine, because opinions are like assholes: everyone has one. But, still, sometimes, I just want to tell her to be quiet. She's rude: she interrupts people while they are speaking, and tells them its not their turn to speak. It's always about her. In a nutshell, she's a Mega Pain in the Ass.

The scary thing is, about 18 months ago, the group voted her into this "leadership" position. Fortunately, her tenure is up in May. As Eric Cartman says, "You can call yourself leader until your ass bleeds, but that doesn't make it true!"

So, when I have to deal with her, I usually go across the street to the indy coffee shop and treat myself to my white chocolate latte.

However, since I'm working on my new me, I think that the 60 minutes I spent on the elliptical trainer today, where I pedaled for 5.62 miles and burned 550 calories, is going to be a complete waste of time, energy, and effort if I "treat" myself to a 420 calorie White Chocolate with 1% milk. When we exercise, it's not an automatic license to eat or drink whatever we want. Good idea! But, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Please note, I found the above information on Diet Bites, and while the site only lists Starbuck's calories, I'm thinking the indy coffee shop is producing similar calories. According to Diet Bites, a Starbuck's White Chocolate Mocha made with skim milk has 400 calories, and one made with 2% milk as 440 calories, so I just figured that 420 is halfway between 400 and 440. A mocha and a latte are basically the same thing, really. That was a question on the drivers' license test.

By way of comparison, a few of my other favorite things: (both current and former)
2 ounce regular size Snickers = 273

3 Oreo cookies = 160 (note: 3 is a serving, but who in the hell just eats 3?! Honestly!!)

1 slice of veggie pizza = 215 calories (again, who in the hell eats just one slice of pizza?! Seriouslah!)

1 cup of air popped popcorn = 23 calories (what about the butter?! And, serve that shit up in a bowl! I ain't eatin' just one cup! And don't forget the parmesean cheese!)

8 ounce Margarita = 185 calories (enticing when compared to the WCL, but, I'm still not wanting to take a drink).

So, I will still go over to the indy coffee shop, because the owner and the baristas are quite lovely. But I will only drink regular coffee or perhaps a chamomile lemon tea, when I have to deal with the Mega Pain in the Ass.

No more 16 ounce Ghirardelli's White Chocolate lattes, no foam, with 1% milk. No more lattes, period. Unless I'm out of town at a conference.