Today, he was awarded the first pancake off the griddle. In our house, Sundays mean three things: 1. Football; 2. Pancakes; 3. I sleep as late as I want. Zel gets up and turns on ESPN's "NFL Sunday Countdown" and feeds Flof his breakfast of kibble and rice. He even shuts the bedroom door so I can sleep as late as I want. Zel's great.
The door gets shut because Flof sometimes whines at me. He says, "Muh-aaawwwmmm, you need to get out of bed and make me some pancakes!" Eventually, I drag my ass out of bed and make a pot of decaf for myself (Zel thinks coffee tastes like ass) and make pancakes for my boys.
Flof always gets to eat from the first batch of pancakes. I have a griddle, so I'm albe to make 3 pancakes at a time. Zel gets 2 and Flof gets 1. Really, though, he deserves more. I mean, who can refuse this face?!?
Last week, I overcooked the first 3, so they were pretty hard. Zel said they were like frisbees. But he ate them, because he knows whats good for him. Flof didn't complain; he's the smarter of the two in this instance. He doesn't stare a gift pancake in the mouth.
Then, because I overcooked the first 3, I under cooked my 2. They tasted like ass. So, I made 2 more for myself, which were much better.
Flof didn't feel good earlier this week. On Thursday, we woke up and he just wasn't himself. He was agitated and shivering so bad that his teeth were chattering and panting. It was 59 degrees in the house. Granted, he has on the thickest fur coat I've ever seen in my life, but he's not a panting dog, especially when its 59 degrees. I turned the heater on, because, even though I have enough fat on my ass to survive a couple of weeks without food, I'm not down with 59 degrees in the hosue.
Flof also didn't go into the kitchen when Zel made his turkey sandwich. When the dog isn't in the kitchen for a handout, something's seriously wrong.
So, I called Dr. Carmen's office, and she wasn't able to see Flof until 3:30 pm. Sweet Jesus. That was in 7 hours. In that time, Flof drank 4 bowls of water, which is at least twice the amount of water he consumes in a day. So, we went outside for him to pee like every hour. Fortunately, I work 20 hours/week and although I was scheduled to work on Thursday, I didn't have anything really pressing that I had to attend, so I called in. The main secretary in my office has 1 child, 3 dogs, and 2 horses, so she completely understood.
I told Flof we were going to see Dr. Carmen in the afternoon and that it was a good idea for him to take a lot of naps today. He didn't take a lot of naps because he was panting so hard. When he did nap, he was taking these shuddering inhales. I felt really horrible for him.
At 3:00, we started to get ready to go. I took Flof outside and, since he's had a couple of UTI's in the past, I figured I'd better bring Dr. Carmen some Flof urine. The only thing I had that I was willing to part with was a Philly Cream Cheese container.
When we went back inside Jennifer the receptionist called. Dr. Carmen was doing an emergency c-section, and would we mind coming in at 4:30, please? "Of course!", I said. "Giving birth is a big thing, and I'm not saying it's not more important than my dog's health, but does she really think she'll be able to see him at 4:30?" She said yes. Bye bye Stability Ball Class.
So, I tried to get Flof to take another nap. He wasn't really interested. He said, "But, Muh-aaawwwmmm, you said we were gonna see Dr. Carmen at 3:30!"
"I know," I said. "But Dr. Carmen is delivering babies right now and it's an emergency."
Flof said, "Its only an emergency if she's delivering puppies. If Dr. Carmen is delivering kitties, I'm going to emergency all over that kitty mom's ass! Goddamned cats."
Flof's not a fan of the kitties.
I called Zel to let him know about the time change. He was planning on meeting us there, since it is much easier to have both of us at the vet's office. Flof's a bit of a pussy when it comes to procedures at the vet's. Dr. Carmen is very PC about it. She says German Shepherds are worriers, and its ok, because it also means he's also a lover.
Once at Dr. Carmen's office, it was discovered that Flof had a bit of a fever, his urine wasn't really concentrated, and his left ear had both bacteria and yeast in it. This made me think that Flof's ear is really a vagina, because vaginas have a balance of yeast and bacteria. That's why licking pussy is good if a person has a sore throat!
Flof even got an anal probe. They took him out of the room for this one. Jennifer the receptionist assisted with this. Good thing, because Flof has an affinity for cute girls, and he's more likely to cooperate. However, we could hear the whining from the exam room. He said, "Goddamnit, Dr. Carmen, this isn't ok! Couldn't you have warmed up the glove before you anal probed me!?!?"
He also bitched to her about moving his appointment. She said that he could relax because the puppies and the mom are ok. He said, "Well, you better thank your lucky stars that you delivered puppies and not kitties because I would've been really pissed off if you moved my appointment to deliver kittens. Kittens are a bunch of pussies!" All this occurred whith her hand in his ass.
Twice a week, we have to douche out his ear. Twice a day, we have to put drops in his ears to take care of the yeast. The bacteria will be taken care of with the antibiotics.
Flof is on antibiotics twice a day for 10 days. This he enjoys, because it means he gets lots of sliced cheese. In a recent blood draw, Dr. Carmen did a geriatric pannel, because Flof's a senior dog of nealy 12 years old, she said his cholesterol is a bit high. She's also said that he looks like he doesn't miss too many meals. He weighs about 95 pounds. He's about 10 pounds overweight. Its probably because he spends most of his day sleeping on his couch. When you're a 12-year-old dog, you've earned the right to spend the day on the couch. Especially if you're going to read the newspaper, which he often does on Sundays.
Flof is feeling better today. He let me sleep in, and as a result, he had pancakes, as a pancake piggy should. He just finished reading the Sunday paper, and now it's time for his mid-morning nap.
No comments:
Post a Comment