Yard Work

Yard work is a bunch of bullshit.

Today, Zel and I rented a billy goat mower. We don't own a lawn mower, because we don't really have a lawn. So, once a year, around Labor Day, we rent a billy goat mower. That thing does not fool around. It can take down tall grass and saplings. It one mean machine. Seriouslah.

And then it stopped working.

We called the place we rented it from. They said to bring it back. We loaded it in the truck, and went back to the store. All the while, thanking the Goddess that the store is only about 4 miles away so we don't have to spend a bunch of money on gas going back and forth. We also passed the Sheriff's Chain Gang picking up trash and other things by the side of the road.

The belt for the blade fell off. Just fell off! Can you imaging if this was your car and you were going 60 mph and your engine's belt just fell off? Sweet Jesus! Think of the money that'd cost! Let alone the possible accidents.

Fortunately, we bought insurance to cover little mishaps. So, they gave us the other billy goat mower. Not that this is really an insurance issue. Bending the blade is an insurance issue.

And we loaded billy goat mower #2 up in the truck and went back home. We passed the Sheriff's Chain Gang again. On Sundays in the local newspaper, they report what the chain gang collected in the past week. Trash, old tires, syringes, aluminum cans that are taken to recycling. And sometimes, they collect some underpants and bras. How do these things end up on the side of the road? I can only speculate that there are some folks who feel it is appropraiate to throw their underwear and bras out of the window of their trucks. Or maybe they feel a need to brag about getting laid.

We finished the mowing. Which is good, because the grass was like five feet tall. I'm not kidding. I'm 5'2", and actually, some of the grass was taller than me. It's actually hay. Maybe we should get a billy goat, and then we wouldn't have to worry about mowing.

I also used the trimmer, but it ran out of twine. And I raked. I'm not fond of these activities, but its a good strength training program. And my heart rate rose, which is good. Unless you're dying, then that's bad. But I think it was good.

Then we loaded up BG#2 in the truck and went on back to the store to drop it off because we were done.. Passed the chain gang going to the store and again on our way home. Three of them were painting a fire hydrant. The other two were picking up trash. I'm not sure why it takes three people to paint a fire hydrant.

Zel said, "Do they actually wear chains?"

"Yes," I said.

I work for the government, and I know these things. They have shackels on their legs. And they're accompanied by a deputy. And the side of their big white mobile unit says "Sheriff's Chain Gang" in green and gold. Not very politically correct, but you're on the chain gang, which means you're in jail, and granted, you're on the chain gang because you're good while you're serving your time, but you're still in jail. Do you really need to worry about being incognito when you're working in an orange jump suit by the side of the road? Don't get me wrong, I think they do great work and I think its a great program for the inmates. But, you know what I'm sayin?

Those chain gang dudes do a lot of work.

We did a lot of yard work today.

Yard work is a bunch of bullshit.