Comment of the Day, August 7, 2007

So, I'm calling around to local stores, trying to find a specific baby-proofing lock. I'm looking for a Safety 1st, Lazy Susan Cabinet Lock.

Yes, I used the Inter-Web and tried to find one. And find one I did...for $2.97. And a mere $10.00 s/h. No, I'm not making this up. TEN DOLLARS to ship and handle a piece of plastic that cost $0.50 to make. Dry eff in the A, no reach-around.

I've looked at the Empire, but they don't have the specific lock I'm looking for. So, I call around.

Store 1
A major corporation; not the best customer service when you're in the store generally means not the best customer service when you're on the phone. I tell the guy at the Special Order Service Desk that I'm looking for a specific childproofing lock, I know they carry the brand, but they don't carry the lock. He asks me what kind of lock; I tell him it's a Safety 1st, Lazy Susan Cabinet Lock, and ask if they would be willing to order it for me. I didn't tell him that I want to see if they can special order it for me and not charge me $13.00 for it.

“And what's this for again?” he asks.

“Childproofing,” I say. I'm patient. He's a bit on the slow side...probably not getting enough fresh air.

He tells me that he's looking in the computer for Safety 1st, but that it's not coming up. Nothing called Safety 1st is coming up. He tells me that he's never heard of Safety 1st, but that he's also not surprised he's never heard of it because they "carry a lot of different stuff here at The Major Corporation."

He tells me that he needs to do a bit more searching and he's going to set the phone down. He set the phone down. He did not put me on hold. He SET THE PHONE DOWN ON THE COUNTER. I hung up; I don't have time for this shit.

Store 2
I call the mom-and-pop store, which is sometimes referred to as “Store, Our Store” because one or both of The Girls claimed she saw Huey Lewis and his dad there.

I tell the gal on the phone at the mom-and-pop that I'm looking for a specific childproofing item: the Safety 1st, Lazy Susan Cabinet Lock and ask her if they carry such a thing.

“Jus a sec,” she says. (yes, she said, “Jus” not “Just”; God bless 'er!)

She continues, but not quite in my ear, “Hey, Craig! Do we carry baby proofin' stuff?”

In my head: “Oh, Sweet Jesus.”

Craig: “Uh, yeah! On aisle 10, on the left.”

She comes back to me, “It's on aisle 10, on the left.”

"Mkay."

Out loud, I said, “Ok, so you carry it then?”

“Well,” she said, “the childproofing stuff is on aisle 10, on the left. So you'd need to take a left at aisle 10.”

No, I didn't go ask her to check. Instead, I said, “Thank you very much. I appreciate your time.”

“You're welcome,” she said.

Wow. What the goddamn do you say to something like that? Because it was kinda funny; kinda not.

At least I know exactly where to go in the Store, Our Store: aisle ten, on the left.