Sunday, December 03, 2006

What They Don’t Teach You About Childbirth

I paid close attention in our Childbirth Education classes when I was pregnant with Baby Kaos.

But, I never knew a couple of things about pregnancy and childbirth. Nobody ever said these things to me; I had to go through it to know.

After the baby is born, and the baby either ripped the vagina or there was an episiotomy, and the doc has to sew mom’s vagina back up, and after everything’s healed, a woman’s vulva will look very different. Shockingly so. I was shocked. I can count the people and instances that have shocked me in my life on one hand and not use all of my fingers.

I spoke with my doc about the fact that my vulva looks different. He said that it’s pretty common, and no, they don’t usually tell women that beforehand. He said that he’s known a lot of women who are very upset about the appearance of their vulvas after childbirth, and said it would be an interesting thing to study, from a psycho-social perspective.

Bladder lift surgery is done when a woman becomes incontinent. Women become incontinent because we carry children.

I spoke with my doc about this one, too. He said they usually don’t tell women before they get pregnant about this one either. He said that if we had to sign up for pregnancy and they told women what they were signing up for we wouldn’t have survived as a species.

But, is being a mom worth the things I've gone through so far?

Absolutely.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting...

The question becomes, is there a niche for vulva cosmetic surgery?

I dunno if such a thing already exists... but if this is something that affects mothers, it may translate into a lucrative practice for someone.

Someone's probably already beaten me to the idea, tho. (And it's not like I can just dust off the old medical degree and get to work.)

Anonymous said...

I think that surgery already exists. Damn! We missed again, Luis!

Amelia said...

You guys are such a bunch of clowns! Not only does vulva cosmetic surgery exist, one can also opt for their vagina to be a bit tighter. I know a woman who had this done (technically called a vaginoplasty) and she said she felt like a virgin all over again.

Anonymous said...

You see, that's why being a doctor wasn't even an option for me. I would have no idea how to tighten a vagina.

I would try the time-tested axiom and turn it to the right (trying my best to fight my prankster instincts and go "lefty-loosey"), but something tells me that I would fail to make a difference.

Of course, I'd have other tricks up my sleeve... like squirting it with lemon, or buying it a drink (I can't recall the number of times I've offered to buy someone a drink only to be told, "you just made my vagina shrivel up"). But I guess shrivelling isn't the same thing as tightening, so I'd miss the mark.

Sorry ladies, no refunds.

Anonymous said...

I heart baby kaos forever.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Auntie Melaqueen! I heart you 4evah, too!