Fishnet Stockings

Some women look fabulous in a pair of fishnet stockings and heels.

Take these women, for example. They have nice long, slender legs.

They can wear fishnets effectively. Granted, the woman on the right looks like she needs to eat a burrito but she still looks damn good.

And this woman does a garter belt justice, so I thought I’d throw her in the mix.

I’ve worn fishnets, but they don’t look nearly as good on me as they do on these women. I don’t have legs up to my neck. Nor am I as "freak of nature" thin. Which is ok. (Don’t worry! I’m not turning this into a “whoa is me…I’m pregnant and fat” bitch session.) I'm comfortable in my skin.

Point is: I know that I don’t look as good as these women in fishnets, so I don’t wear them.

However, some women think that they do look good in them. Perhaps they fail to look in the mirror before they leave the house. Perhaps nobody has the courage to say, “Hey, those stockings look obscene in a bad way on you.”

I was at a meeting last week, where the woman who makes me want to poke her eyes out with my latte straws was the facilitator.

She had on fishnets.

She’s in her 60’s.

Now, some older babes can wear fishnets and pull it off.

But not her.

It’s not so much that she’s a senior citizen.

It’s not so much that she wore her fishnets with a straight tan skirt that hit her about mid-shin.

It's not so much that she had on a red sweater.

It’s more that she had them on with clogs.

You read that correctly.

Clogs.

What the fuck?

Now, I’m not saying that clogs aren’t comfy. Cause my good friend Melanie says they are. And Melanie could tell me just about anything and I’d believe her.

But, fishnets with clogs?

Sweet Jesus. Isn’t that one of the signs from the Four Horsemen?