No Guarantees

There are no guarantees in life. We all know this. But for me it really hit home this past week.

On Wednesday, Zel, Baby Kaos and I went to The Good Doctor for our weekly prenatal visit. We talked a lot about inducing, and all agreed that I’d check into the hospital that night, and we’d start inducing.

There were several reasons for our decision:

1. There was room at the inn. In our little town, there is one hospital, which has four labor/delivery rooms and four recovery rooms. On Wednesday afternoon, there were two moms and babies recovery rooms, and no moms in labor/delivery rooms. May as well take advantage of that situation.

2. As much as we can, we’d like to avoid Baby Kaos having 9/11 as a birth date. We don’t want him to hear everything from, “You must be the most patriotic kid in the world!” to “What a horrible day to be born!” and everything in between.

3. I’m really tired of being pregnant, and I’d like to be done. Besides, I’m a spoiled brat and I’d like to have my body back to myself. I don’t feel like I’m going to be pregnant forever, I’d just like to be done.

4. I’d been dilated to 1 cm for 2 weeks. I have to get to 10. Let’s get the show on the road, already!

Once in the hospital on Wednesday night, The Good Doctor examined me and basically said, “Well, you’re still at 1 cm, so I’m going to insert this small tea bag full of medication into your vagina. It needs to stay in for 12 hours.” It was a prostaglandin, which is a suppository that causes labor. I had to remain lying down for the first two hours, hooked up to a monitor: one belt measured Baby Kaos’ heart rate; the other belt measured my contractions.

In the morning, about 12 hours later, The Good Doctor removed the tea bag and I was still at 1 cm. What the fuck? The good news was that my cervix was thinner (a thin cervix is required for delivery).

So, they started me on an IV drip of Pitocin, which is a synthetic form of oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that starts contractions. It is also responsible for releasing orgasm in both men and women, and helps with emotional bonding.

I’ve heard horror stories of Pitocin, and it wasn’t something I wanted to experience. But, it wasn’t as bad as I’d heard. They started me at a pretty low dose, and gradually raised the level throughout the day. I was having contractions, but they weren’t major. By Thursday afternoon, I was at the maximum level, and I was sleeping through my contractions. Not a good sign, so they stopped the Pitocin.

The Good Doctor came in and said I was at 2 cm. Woohoo! Progress! And, then I felt some pretty intense pain. Without warning, he stripped my membranes. I’m glad he didn’t warn me; it would’ve sucked more than it did. He basically stuck his fingers inside my cervix and ran his fingers around until the amniotic sac separated from the cervix.

Then came the blood. Lots of blood. A frightening amount, really. But, The Good Doctor, as well as whoever the Wonderful Nurse was at the time, said that it was normal and to not worry. The blood was caused by ruptured blood vessels.

Thursday evening, they started the Pitocin again. The contractions were more intense, but I was still able to doze through them. Of course, it helped that they gave me a sleeping pill. Based on my contraction monitor, they stopped the Pitocin in the middle of the night because I wasn’t contracting frequently and intensely enough.

Friday morning, because I wasn’t going into labor, and the bleeding had largely subsided, I was sent home. No baby. My consolation prize included lots of super-mega pads and a couple pairs of disposable underwear.

Zel and I were under the impression that if a woman goes into be induced, that she goes home with a baby. Apparently that’s not always the case. Being induced into labor isn’t a guarantee that you’ll get a baby. But, they don’t mention that in childbirth education classes. And I’ve never heard of such a thing.

I’m disappointed because I spent 42 stressful hours in the hospital and have no baby to show for it.

I’m frustrated because in the 42 hours I was in the hospital, there were 6 babies born.

I’m worried because I’m at 42 weeks today, and the longer Baby Kaos is in his current home, the more likely it is that placenta will stop nourishing him.

The plan is that if nothing happens between now and Tuesday, we’ll try inducing again.

But, I’m home, and my contractions have increased, which is good.

Hopefully this kid will come into the world naturally and not on 9/11. But there are no guarantees in life.