Amelia Kaos

is sad that we won't be seeing "Terminator: Salvation" in the theater. Today is a good day to see some shit blow up.

Zel said...

...I keep wondering when I'm gonna be that dude. The downside is they're all dressed.

Amelia Kaos

just took the biggest shit ever. My a-hole ripped open. Not cool. And, BabyK(2) was screaming, so I picked him up and nursed him while I was sitting on the toilet taking the biggest shit ever.

Facebook

I've not been posting because I've been Facebooking. It's addictive, but not like crack, yo.

So, in Facebook (FB) they have this question, "What's on your mind?" and a box for you to fill in whatever you want. The other day I talked about my brilliance (I've been craving chocolate chip cookies, so I made a batch, baked ~12 and individually froze the remaining batter. Then, when I want a cookie, I can bake it up fresh. Hence, I'm brilliant!) Yesterday I mentioned that I was tuckered out from watching Toddler Kaos play with two of his friends (yes, simply WATCHING two toddlers and a pre-schooler play is exhausting!).

I'm using my real name on FB, and yes, I know all of my friends. I only have 50. I know people have hundreds, and I call them FB sluts.

I'm starting a new segment here on (NS)O&M called "Not on Facebook" and I will post things such as the following:

Amelia Kaos has not had the opportunity to brush her teeth today and her mouth feels like a bag of assholes.

So, there you have it. The new "Not of Facebook" segment of (NS)O&M. Enjoy!

Another time suck

I started reading "Marley and Me." It's the story about a neurotic dog and his owner.

I read 100 pages.

All I could think was, "Dude, you're way too passive with this dog. Take his ass to boot camp."

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to walk away.

Major waste of time. Don't waste your money.

Sore throat cure

Hmm...I know she was picked for a reason. But close your eyes and just listen. I'm not kidding.

Major waste of time

I'm in a new book club. My old book club fizzled out because people didn't want to read anything heavier than “Mr. Snuffleupagus Goes to the Zoo”. I have no idea if this is a real book, but I think you see my point.

So, my new book club is reading “Under the Tuscan Sun: At Home in Italy” by Frances Maynes. This book is a major waste of time. Major.

This broad and her husband, who both happen to be faculty at two San Francisco area universities when the writing occurs (I later discover that she's at SFSU. Not sure where he teaches, because I don't give that much of a crap.). Anyway, they purchase this home in Tuscany, Italy and it hasn't been inhabited for 30 years, so it's a major fixer-upper. They need to get rid of scorpions and spiders that have invaded the house. Yeah.

This book pissed me off for several reasons:

1. Having so much money to burn that I purchase a second home, 7,000 miles away from my current home, where I can only spend a few months out of the year at.
2. Purchasing a home, regardless of location, that you have to sink a ton of money into in order to have basic things like heat, hot water and a functioning kitchen.
3. Two highly-educated people purchasing a home that requires above mentioned (and lots and lots of other) work and having the work done WHILE THEY ARE IN SAN FRANCISCO. And corresponding with the contractors by FAX. My parents and I never talked about building your own home or major construction projects, but common fucking sense tells me that I need to be present when that shit is going on.
   

At one point in the book, she mentions that she's the department chair—I later read on line that she was in charge of the Creative Writing department, so, really, the entire goddamn book could be a major embellishment, because let's face it, Creative Writers are people who creatively write and they are trained to MAKE SHIT UP. They go to school for years, spend thousands of dollars and they end up taking jobs where they MAKE SHIT UP.

The version I have of this book that I BORROWED (lemme tell you how glad I am that I didn't waste my hard earned money on this piece of shit book) is 310 pages long. I read the first 100 pages, skimmed the second hundred pages, and I'm not sure I'm going to waste my incredibly valuable time reading the last 100 pages. Zel suggested that I read the first and last paragraphs of each of the remaining chapters, and that I should still get the gist of what's going on. While that's a great idea, I'm not sure I want to waste anymore time on this huge piece of crap.

Oh, and Ms. Maynes, I mean no disrespect, but you're really not the brightest bulb. And, how in the fuck did you get a contract to develop your own line of furniture? Honestly.

And, no, I'm not gonna see the movie.

Big Day

I hope the Arizona Cardinals win.

Maybe they're like the Little Engine That Could and are currently chanting "I think I can! I think I can!"

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Update 2/8/09

As you all know, Arizona lost in the last couple of minutes of the game. They did a decent job. My hat is off to them for making it as far as they did and playing a tough team.